Replies.

You ladies are the best. Those were awesome comments and made me feel so much better. I always forget how much better I feel after I hear from y'all.

I'm sore today from the consistent working out. I love how being sore feels. It makes me feel alive.

Tonight I made whole wheat penne pasta with extra lean ground turkey and light Ragu. I didn't tell anyone in the family what was in it. It's cool to watch them rave over it when my boyfriend says he can't stand turkey meat. HA! I told him at the end of the meal and it went over well. They had garlic bread and I didn't. I only made half a loaf for them so I knew it would all be eaten. Being able to resist garlic bread feels so good. I get a little pep in my step after I successfully resist something.

Oh yea, should I stay away from peanut butter? I have no problem digesting it, just wondering if I should stay away from it.

Again, thanks. Love.

I'm back.

I've been trying to keep busy to keep from thinking of food. Sad, but true. I had my first fill and it was okay. My doctor was upset with me and told me that I wasn't losing weight fast enough. I lost 6 pounds in 6 weeks. Yes, not that great but I was losing. He upset me so badly that I was sobbing and now I'm scared to go back. I know that I have to because I've already paid for a year of checkups and fills. It's a crappy situation.

I've decided to clean out the formal living room and make it a craft room/woman cave. I bought a cheap sewing machine and scrap fabric to practice on.

Also, today starts my training for a 5k. I've done two so far but I've never run one. I'm using a couch to 5k training program. Couch to 5k
It seems slow enough, I just have to tell myself that I can do it.

I'm still here, I've just been reading all of your blogs and taking notes.

It's nearing that time...

for my first fill. My appointment is Monday. I'm really excited to finally feel restriction. These past six weeks have been so hard. Some weeks were better than others. Some days better than others.

So far, I have maintained a 13lb. weight loss. I fluctuate between 13 and 15lbs. lost on a good day.

I wish I had more to post about but I don't.

Oh, one more thing! Is there anyone else out there who just isn't ready for Christmas? I mean, I love Christmas, but it has just snuck up on me this year. Maybe it's because the weather didn't get cold until like a week ago. Maybe it's because I lost my father to Type II Diabetes last December 10th. I've been all over the place emotionally. That's probably the main reason why. A huge motivation to have the procedure done was my father. I didn't want to develop diabetes. It's kind of a Christmas funk, which will hopefully be gone by the big day.

Round Two

Hey ladies! I've been a little distant lately because I've been struggling with healthy eating. I've been ashamed and I'm still trying to shake it off.  Thanksgiving was delicious and unhealthy. I ate everything except bread. I think it opened my eyes and I realized that I shouldn't be able to eat almost two plates! That Saturday was the new start.
I've dusted off my healthy cookbooks and I'm about to head to the store. I realized that I HAVE to be pro-active with this. It's like all you have said, I'm stuck smack in the middle of bandster hell. Hell is a perfect word because I want to eat everything!

So, I've re-stocked the fridge with cottage cheese, fruit, yogurt, and juices. I realized that eating almost an entire sleeve of wheat crackers with my soup was probably not the best idea. Damn, it was good, though.
My sister hit 16lbs lost and that was like a slap in the face.
I decided to stop fighting against Bandy and start listening to him.

Christmas cards!

We took our family Christmas picture yesterday and I'm getting so excited! I love the holidays. It's the only time of  year that I stops focusing on my image hang-ups and just enjoy the season. It's weird but true. 

I've just really been coasting through this hell that I'm in. Awaiting my first fill.
Until next time, here's a look at my family.

 Did someone say PRESENTS?!

I have the day off...

and I'm taking full advantage. I walked my dog, am currently catching up on missed episodes of Law and Order: SVU, and drinking my weight in water. Well, maybe not my weight, but I'm drinking quite a bit.

I'm a little concerned about my port incision. It's red and it itches like CRAZY! I called the doctor's office and they told me that unless it was "coke can red" then it was fine, and that it would be tender and itchy for at least 3 weeks. I'm going to let that answer ride for a little longer.

I've decided that I'm going to re-think my approach to my new lifestyle. Instead of eyeballing doritos, bread, and all of the other things that my family eats daily, I'm going to think completely about me. Is it just me, or do any of you other women feel like you are the only one who can feed your family? When your man is completely capable. I feel that if I make it home before him, then I should start dinner. Anyone else think like that or used to think like that? How did you change?

I was in the habit of weighing every single morning. For the first week, it was awesome. I was averaging 2 pounds a day. I hit 17 pounds lost and then I started grazing. I put 5 pounds back on quick and the weight loss stopped. I was lying to myself and saying that because I only ate "a little bit" that it didn't count. Well, obviously it did. My sister is the picture of perfection with her band. I try not to compare myself to her, but it's hard when I feel like I'm screwing this up on purpose.
I don't know what happened in my head today but I wanted to share with you. I've not posted in a few days because I've been ashamed. All of you guys seem to have it all under control and so in charge of your band.

All of your words of encouragement are awesome. Thank you. I hope to post more pictures and I hope that my ticker will move again!!!

Worried.

Well, I've hit 8 days post-op. I'm scared. I can't seem to get enough to eat sometimes.
Sometimes, I am completely satisfied and others it's like I'm ravenous. It makes me feel like I did pre-band.
My family went to dinner tonight and I had three bowls of potato soup with crackers!! I felt like a disgusting, fat pig. I felt like a failure and that I'm never going to win.

In other news,  I'm getting a promotion at Lane Bryant! I'm the new Asst. Manager. I don't want to wear their clothes anymore.

I have a man who loves me. His children love me. I would do anything for a friend. I'm a hard-worker. Why is my relationship with food the only thing that I let define me?